The Never Ending Survey

Name: Heather
Age: 32
Hair Color: Light brown with blonde highlights on top
Eye Color: Green
Pet(s) & Their Name(s): 2 dogs Bart and Daisy, Kitty Harley, and fish Charlie
Birthplace: Memfo
Nickname(s): Heddo
Most Widespread Nickname: Heddo but only by people who have known me a really long time
Height: 5'5"
Mood Right Now: Stressed, Ava has been screaming her head off, Colton somehow got a DVD stuck in the player behind the thing you put the DVD in and now it won't close and he just stopped crying to watch a movie. Agghhh!!!!!

~Favorites~
Color: Red
Animal: I am not too much of an animal person since I had kids
Number: 4, the number of people in my family
Gum: Big Red because it reminds me of my husband's kisses in the early days. Hey me too Ashley. Big Red and Drakkar cologne was what he always smelled like.
Sport: Baseball... Go Cardinals winners of the 2006 World Series, Yeah Baby!
Season: A tie between fall and spring
Candy: Dark Chocolate
Song: about anything by AC/DC or Aerosmith
Actor: Tom Hanks & Chris Farley (so sad he's dead)
TV Show: Saturday Night Live although I rarely am up late enough to watch the new ones, My Name is Earl, 24

~This or That~
Morning or Evening: Evening
Hugs or Kisses: Hugs-please no kisses unless you are my hubby or one of my babies
Love or Money: Love
Movies or Music: Movies
Big Crowds or Little Crowds: Little crowds
Beach or Mountains: Beach although I love the mountains too
Six Flags or Carowinds: Disneyworld
Percussion or Strings: Strings
Skateboard or Skooter: Skooter I guess, I've never been on a skateboard, but I did almost kill myself on a skooter...I'll take cars.
Heels or Sneakers: Heels the higher the better
Black or White: Black
Red or Green: Red
Skittles or M&Ms: M& M's (peanut or dark chocolate ones please)
Sun or Moon: Sun
Water or Fire: Water

~Have You Ever~

Danced in the Rain: not that I remember
Honked a Car Horn at Strangers: when I was a teenager
Done Something You Regret: Of course who hasn't
Cried in a Full Theater: Yes many times, the stupidest movie I cried over in a full theater was Edward Scissorhands, Sheesh!
Done Drugs: No
Smiled for No Reason: yes
Thought About Something and Laughed Really Loud: Yes, usually about something Brooke said
Done Something Stupid in Front of Your Crush: I remember that from many years ago
Said Something No One Else Got: yes
Acted/Sang on Stage: I was in a couple dramas and have had some assembly parts
Had a Cavity: I have some right now I think
Said Something That Others Took Wrong: Very often
Been Told to Get Your Mind Out of the Gutter: yep
Been in Love: Yeah, I have been for 14 years
Fallen Down in Public: Yes
Been Stupid in Front of a Lot of People: Yep
Done Something Someone Said You Could Never Do: yep

~Do You~

Sing Well: No and I don't in front of people except my kids
Dance Well: No, but I do it anyway.
Embarrassed Easily: Yes
Consider Yourself a Morning Person: No definatly not, especially after being up all night with the baby
Take Walks in the Rain: only when I have to
Keep Your Promises: Yes, I try my best anyway
Like to Talk: only to people I am very comfortable around
Speak Your Mind: I wish I could
Trust Others Easily: yes

~Movies & Music~

Best Movie You've Seen in Theaters Lately: I have seen 2 movies in the theater in the past 2 years and neither were very good.
Saddest Movie: A River Runs Through It
Cutest Movie: can't think of any right now
Movie You Find Yourself Quoting: Tommy Boy, Napoleon Dynamite, There's Something About Mary (the edited TV version), and Almost Heroes (Bidwell, Can you hear me?)
Ever Made Movies With Your Friends: no, but Ashley and I were going to do Little Women in which I was going to play Meg and she was going to play the part of Jo, we never got around to it. You remember that Ashley?
Radio Station You Listen to Most: Any one that's playing a song I like at the moment
Song Currently Stuck in Your Head: Time to Say Goodbye by Andrea Bocelli (It's Colton's nap song)
Stupidest Song You've Heard Lately: The theme to Wonder Pets and all of the other kids show theme songs that get in my mind and never leave
Song You Hear Most on the Radio: I don't listen often enough to notice

Would You EVER

Skydive: if the plane was crashing
Do You Think There's Gold on the Other End of a Rainbow? No, but Colton has just learned to dig for gold. In his nose that is. Yuck! I guess it was bound to happen.
What CD Have You Listened to Most Lately? AC/DC Back in Black and Mary Had a Little Amp
Have you everr Held a Snake or Tarantula? snake
Do You Like Scary Movies? not really
What's Your Pet Peeve? guilt trips
Do You Have a Type A Personality? no I don't think so
What Would YOU Do for a Klondike Bar? Nothing, I don't really like them. Now a Dove bar might be a different story.
What's the One Thing You Would Bring With You to a Deserted Island? a fishing pole, I don't know.
Ever Been Tubing? Yes, it's fun when the river is actually moving, otherwise not so much
Drove a Jetski? no
Do You Believe in Love at First Sight? No, but I believe in attraction at first sight.
Introvert or Extrovert? both, it depends on how comfortable I am with the people and situation
Do You Like Big Crowds? yes sometimes
What's Your Favorite Quote from a Friend? I love the saying on Tina's Blog. Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday, and all is well.
Word Do You Use Too Much? like
Can You Sing Your ABC's Backward's? I could if I felt like concentrating that hard.
What's the Latest You've Ever Stayed Up? All night
Have You Ever Been Betrayed? Yeah
What's Your Greatest Strength(s)? I try to keep peace with everyone
Weakness(es)? trying to keep peace with everyone and not being able to tell people what I really think
You Laugh a Lot? Yes.
Are You a Leader or a Follower? A follower, but I hope to my kids a leader
Do You WANT to Be Like Everyone Else? No
'What's the Compliment You Receive Most? that I have sweet kids
Do You March to the Beat of Your OWN Drummer? yes
Can You Talk Extremely Fast? yes

To Be Rich

I was thinking how nice it would be to be rich. Not that I want a big house, designer clothes, or a fancy car. What I would like is a nanny to watch the baby at night and a personal maid for Colton. After my day yesterday I am doubting my ability to care for two children at one time. Especially with one of them being in the terrible twos stage.
This was my part of my day yesterday...
Colton was being quiet so I went to check on him and he had gotten into the pantry and poured out an entire container of dry bread crumbs and he was spreading them all over the floor. I got a phone call so I couldn't clean them right away. Next thing I know he is into the container of oatmeal. Before I could get any of it cleaned up, he got into the closet that I keep cleaning supplies in which has a door knob cover that is suppose to be child proof, and he had a spray bottle of fabric refresher spraying it onto the bread crumbs. He also had plastic cups spread out among the crumbs and when I came around the corner he took a drink out of one of the cups and started gagging. That's when I saw the fabric refresher and noticed that he had sprayed it into the cup and that's what he drank. I frantically called poison control, who's number is as etched into my brain as 911 because of calling it so often. While on the phone to poison control he got into the same closet and got yellow craft paint and as I was yelling NO, he opened it and poured it onto the floor. Thank goodness I have hardwood floors. Today my day is already starting out much the same. He has already poured coffee grounds onto the floor. Just when I think I can't take anymore he does something incredibly cute or sweet. We were reading the Bible Story about Jonah and I asked him what ate Jonah and he said, "tyrannosaurus rex".

Little Monsters

No one ever told me that having 2 kids was going to be so difficult. I guess the hardest thing for me so far is not feeling like I can get out. And my lack of adult conversation and company (until Heath gets home anyway). It is so hard to just get out of the house. With 2 kids to get dressed and one that hates getting out of his jammies. It is a battle and one that I haven't fought too many times in the past month. Then with the little one it never fails that she is hungry right when we are walking out.
Last week after being depressed about constantly being home, I decided to bite the bullet and go to my favorite store which I have desperately missed, Target. I was very brave taking 2 kids and taking them pretty close to nap time. I just had to get out. Colton did great through Target but then we had to go grocery shopping at Wally World. A store that makes the sanest person crazy, so I guess I can't blame him to much for this. He did very good until it was time to leave. He wanted some Reeses Pieces, I agreed since he had been so good. Then he kept standing in the cart, I kept telling him no. So I took the candy and put it back. He had a complete and total meltdown. The first one in public. I was proud of myself for not giving in and giving him the candy back, and for not feeling at all embarassed as everyone looked at my child and then me.
Yesterday we returned to Walmart for groceries and no meltdown occured. But as we were walking out I realized that I had forgotten something that I came for. I was talking to the sweet old lady that watches the exit about her watching my cart so I could run back and get the thing I needed. Colton made a mad dash out the door. I was forced to run after him and trust that the sweet old lady would make sure sleeping Ava was ok. He was running for the Big Bird ride that he is obsessed with. He scared me to death. I'm not sure how you are suppose to shop for groceries with 2 kids. Do the people who make carts think that nobody has more than one child? Ava is in the top part because with a carrier in the bottom part there is no where for groceries. So Colton sits in the bottom part surrounded by groceries. And when they are bagged there is no more room for Colton. How do people with more than 2 kids grocery shop? I don't know if next week I will brave Walmart again by myself.
I am determined to not let this house get to me anymore. I am not a home body and never have been. I had almost at anytime be anywhere but home. That must be where Colton gets it. Every time we are driving home and get close he starts saying, "No home". I guess I'm just going to have to get use to this and deal with it.

Life

Life is such an odd thing. My daughter was born a week ago yesterday and this morning at 6:30 I got the phone call that my grandmother had passed away. As one life begins another ends.

I didn't expect to be so sad. I don't mean to sound cold hearted, I loved her very much. But, it is as though we lost her a long time ago because she had Alzheimer's and has been in terrible shape for several years. I don't remember the last time I had a normal conversation with her, I think it must have been at least 8 years ago. The times I have been around her the last few years she would talk to you but so soft that you could barely hear her and she didn't really make any sense. My mom and aunt have taken care of her since Bop died almost 2 years ago. They say that she had moments that they thought she knew what was going on, like when she would cry for Bop and talk about his death. I have had numerous calls over the past few years that they thought she was about to die. She always pulled through and we all thought that she would out live us all and she would just walk right into the new system. She was such a strong person and life is going to be very strange without her.

Losing My Mind & My Cell Phone

We spent the weekend in the city. I needed to get some things there for the baby that I can't get here in my smallish town. It was exhausting. I literally shopped all weekend. From Friday to Sunday. I have never been so tired of malls in my life. A 9 month pregnant woman walking for miles through malls is not a pretty sight and needless to say not very comfortable either. Especially with my back aching and gravity not on my side. My friend offered to push me around in a wheelchair. I opted to just sit some stores out.

Yesterday while I was sitting a store out, Colton and I were playing with my cell phone. He was calling Daddy, John Deere, and Thomas Tank, well playing like he was, then they wanted to talk to mommy. Between the bench and the end of the mall the phone was gone. Of course I did not notice until we went to a couple more stores away from the mall. So back to the mall we went and retaced every step and asked at every store I had been in. No phone. I called this morning and no phone. I am sick over this. A replacement is at the cheapest $150. So, I've been looking on eBay. Yes, I am still an eBayer even after my previous post.

I have got so much to do before the baby gets here. It is overwhelming. Mostly nursery things. I have not even packed for the hospital yet. Heath still has to finish painting the crib, changing table, rocker, toy box, and small table. All of these are keeping me from finishing the nursery. I have more clothes to wash. General house cleaning. My sister in law is having a shower for Ava on Saturday. I've been trying to get meals prepared and frozen for after she is born.

When I went for my ultrasound last week the doc said that the baby is measuring small. She is around 5lbs. I'm not sure how big she should be but they are going by percentiles. She should be in at least the 10th and she is in the 9th. Not too far off but far enough that they are going to do a series of tests this Friday to make sure that everything is fine. She may just genetically small or there is a slight possibility that the placenta is not working properly and she is not getting the nourishment needed, if that is the case, they will go ahead and induce. So I may have less than a week to get everything done. But of course it is pouring rain today so another day will go by without everything getting painted. Tomorrow is meeting night so the earliest will be Wednesday, then it will need to sit out so it can air out. Hopefully it can be in there by the end of the week. Who knows?

Gettin on My Soapbox About eBay

I recently purchased on eBay a lampshade for Ava's room. I just got it in the mail yesterday. It is a pleated shade and not only were many of the pleats crushed but the metal frame is so bent on the bottom it is a oval instead of a circle. The lady I bought it from charged much more for shipping than it actually cost to ship it. So I expected it to be packaged very well. I wrote her yesterday and she said that since I did not purchase insurance she is not responsible. Well, she did not offer me insurance. I thought, oh well I can still dispute it with Paypal. No. When I went to do that, I found out that there is a $25 dispute resolution charge to use them to resolve a dispute. The lampshade was $17.50 with shipping, much more than it was new at Target. So, I went to dispute it on eBay, same thing, if you paid with Paypal, they send you to Paypal to dispute it. I am so mad because they offer no protection against things being damaged. How do I know that this was not damaged before she even sent it and when it was discovered by me, it's the post office's fault, you should have bought insurance. I think it is ridiculous, people could sell damaged things on there all day long and use this excuse and the buyer's hands are tied if it is under $25.00, or if they don't want to pay them $25.00 to help resolve it. Well, there you have it, my gripe of the day.

Hooray!! Fall is Here

Ahh, the crisp smell of fall. The beautiful changing leaves. The apples. The pumpkins. The mums. What is not to love about fall?
In honor of today being October 1st, some friends and I got together after service and took a little trip to one of the local orchards this afternoon. We spent a few hours picking out miniature pumpkins, mums, and odd varieties of apples and pears, sampling pumpkin butter and drinking apple cider. We had a great time and made some nice memories.

Having Those Feelings Again

I don't know if this is a normal part of having a second child or not. I just feel so sad sometimes that these are my last days alone with Colton. I can't even write this with out crying. Our lives are about to change so much and he has no idea. It worries me sick that he will feel like someone has taken his place and that I don't love him as much because I can't give him the amount of attention that I have for the past 2 years. All he has ever known is being with me, just him and me. I am worried that his personality will change, that he will regress.
I know that I will never truly forget these times, although when Ava gets here it will be hard to remember life without her, but Colton will forget. When Colton was born I could not imagine how a parent could love another child as much as their first. To be truthful, I still don't. I have never know a love like this. It is so overwhelming and can not be explained to anyone that hasn't experienced it for themselves. I know that my feelings on this will change as soon as Ava gets here. I won't be able to imagine how a parent could love a 3rd child as much as the first two, and to that, at least at this point, I don't want to find out.
On the other hand, I am so excited about Ava being born and can hardly wait. Partly due to the fact that I then can have a Gin & Tonic and Dragon Roll. Not really, well maybe :)

There is so much left to do and such a short time to do it in. I finally have all of the nursery furniture, it all has to be painted. All of the clothes need to be washed. I still have tons of shopping to do. Curtains need to be made, and the nursery decorated. At least all of the furniture is out of that room and it can be started as soon as I can figure out what to do with it. This pregnancy has gone by so fast. Only 6-8 weeks to go. I think it will be more like 6 weeks. Colton was 2 weeks early and she is measuring a week big at my last 3 doctor's visits.

A NOTE TO ANONYMOUS

DO NOT TRY TO POST TO MY BLOG. THANKS TO YOU I NOW HAVE TO MODERATE MY POSTS AND WILL NOT ALLOW YOURS. ANONYMOUS POSTS WILL ONLY BE DELETED. THIS SITE IS FOR MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY ONLY. I WILL NOT BUY ANYTHING FROM YOU NOR LOOK AT ANY SITE THAT YOU REFER ME TO.

Scents & Memories

Before my trip to Mexico last January, I went to Bath & Body Works and bought a scent that I had never worn before to strictly wear while in Mexico. A dear friend of mine gave me the idea. She has a cousin that goes to BBW before a special trip and gets a "trip" fragrance, when she gets back and smells the scent again she is reminded of her trip. I have to say that this has been a wonderful idea. I bought White Tea & Ginger, the whole line since it's being discontinued (of course!) I even bought the hand soap and sanitizer. Every time I wash my hands upstairs I am immediatly transported to Mexico. I am walking the streets of Playa Del Carmen with a big cup of fruit checking out the vendors goods. I am lying on the beach with a drink in my hand listening to the waves hit the shore. I am walking in the cool evening air down one of the beautifully landscaped paths. I am sitting in the rain at Xel Ha sipping a Cafe Con Leche. There will never be another trip like the Mexico trip and it will forever be with me and I will always long to be there again, on the same trip, with the same people, at the same time, to relive it again.

My New Niece

I was very excited yesterday when my brother-in-law called to tell us that his wife was in labor. Since the hospital is a couple of hours from our home we went today. She is such a cute little girl. She seemed like the tiniest thing I've ever held. My baby was smaller by a little, but I hardly remember that. She weighed 6lb 8oz, I think. She looks so much like her other aunt, her mom's younger sister (not that I expected her to look like me, since she is my husband's brother's baby). It's funny how you see different people in babies. I think my boy looks just like his dad. Every once in a while I see someone in my family in him. He was very sweet with the baby and wanted to hold her the whole time. I was very happy about this. I have been very worried about him with babies for a few months now. When he sees a baby, he says, "baby, hit", and acts like he is going to hit them. I've told him countless times, "we do not hit babies, we hug babies". Just as I thought it was getting through to him, he hit a 4 month old at a graduation party and a little girl in a stroller at Old Navy, I don't think the babies even knew because it was more of a pat, but talk about embarassing. Those situations were a couple of months ago and I've found that if I ignore him when he says hit, and he hasn't been close to any babies either, he will eventually stop. I just say, "Oh, you're right there is a little baby, what a sweet baby". I think he does it to get a reaction out of me, I really do. We have been in close contact with 3 babies over the last month and he has been great with them. Which has made me feel much better and I think confirmed my theory. I think he will be a good big brother, and for now a good older cousin.

Bun Update

IT'S A GIRL!!!

I had an ultrasound this morning and it showed that the little bun is indeed a girl. From the way everything looks, she is right where she should be growth wise and looks healthy. The sceptic in me says, "are they sure? It probably will be a boy, she probably didn't look at it right, she couldn't tell me it's actually a boy after I was crying out of sheer delight (oh, there's the pee pee after all), it doesn't look like a hamburger or a turtle to me". If I get rid of all my boy things it's sure to be a boy. I'll post the pics as soon as I can get to a scanner, I don't have one.

Odd Craving

Anyone who knows me well knows that I absolutely HATE eggs. I have not eaten one in over 20 years when I was a kid, except on the occasional Eggs Benedict when I am very picky about how it is prepared (must be poached very hard) or on an Egg McMuffin where I always order a knife along with it so I can cut away any part that we call Lace, in the south. Scrambled eggs, fried eggs, omelets, heck no. I can't even smell them cooking without literally having dry heaves. That is why this food craving has come as such a shock to me. When we were on our crazy trip to East TN. my aunt made a fritatta. I had seen them prepared on cooking shows and swore them off because the main ingredient is eggs. She packed it full of cheese and tons of roasted veggies. I had to at least give it a tiny taste. I was so surprised that I liked it, no I didn't like it, I loved it, and was now addicted to it and knew that I would crave it. We went out for breakfast last week and I ordered an omelet. Hubby ordered something else just in case the outside was crusty and full of lace which I couldn't handle. But no, it was delicious. Then my cousin sent me a wonderful recipe for ziploc bag omelets where you place all of your ingredients in a bag and then into boiling water. They are perfect for me. No lace because they don't touch a pan. I have been making them a lot since he sent me the recipe. Granted, they have to be packed full of stuff for me to eat them, and I can't eat any part that is just egg, but still, this is very surprising for me that I actually like the one food that I had sworn off so many years ago. I wonder if it is a pregnancy craving or if I will always like them.

Drowning Fish

A few years ago we put a goldfish pond in our backyard. I bought the cheapest little goldfish I could find. I think they were $.19 a piece. I bought 4. They were getting really big and the 4 fish had turned into many. I loved going out to the pond and seeing all the different colors the babies were and seeing if I could spot any new ones. I have not been taking very good care of it this year and the water level was getting really low. I put the hose out there to fill it up. Later that night I was getting ready for bed and heard water running somewhere. I looked all around and could not figure out for the life of me where it was coming from. I finally just chalked it up to being the dishwasher running. I woke up at around 5:45 the next morning and still heard the water running and finally it dawns on me where this is coming from. I run outside and to my surprise my yard isn't flooded. Everything looked good still (except for my upcoming water bill I'm sure). The next day I was trying to get some of this very annoying plant out of the pond, when I discovered that the fish were dead. I drowned my fish.

Bun Update

I had a doctor's appointment this week and he said that everything is looking good. The baby's heartrate was 143. The great news is, I gained 8 pounds in a month. Hooray! (please note sarcasm) Guess I need to lay off the Hershey's Special Dark. Our next appointment is an ultrasound on the 29th. Then Bun can get a real name. Please be a girl, please be a girl, please be a girl.

Our Crazy Weekend

I am always amazed by the beauty of my home state of Tennessee. Not the part of Tennessee that I grew up in, which is just a big city in west Tennessee with really no natural beauty to speak of. But middle Tennessee and east Tennessee are breathtaking. Middle Tennessee with it's huge hills with houses perched on the hillsides. And east Tennessee with it's mountains and waterfalls and woods. I always seem to forget and am pleasantly surprised when I go back to these places. This weekend was no exception. We took an impromptu trip to Fall Creek Falls National Park. My family had the trip planned for a long time. We decided at the last minute to tag along. We got to the campground right outside the park early in the afternoon Friday and went on a hike at the falls. I was very proud of myself doing a 2 mile hike being pregnant, and it was all up hill the entire way back. It was beautiful down at the falls and worth the effort. Back at camp, we had dinner and sat around the campfire. There were about 50 of us. All of my huge family and tons of friends. A man came out of the woods and threatened everyone to come into the woods. I won't go into details but it made us all nervous enough that we packed up and left the campground which was very primative and secluded. We all got back together the next day at my aunt and uncles house, all 50 of us, and spent the day talking and playing cards and cooking. It was so nice just relaxing and being with everyone. I was sad as I saw the last mountain in my rear view mirror. But I know that I will be pleasantly surprised when I visit again and see the beauty of this place once more.

The Little Bun

We went today for my 12 week appointment. We got a little glimse of our new baby. I think the picture is of it's back. You can see it's arms over it's head. It was moving so much that the doctor couldn't get a good picture. Arms flailing and legs kicking, rolling all around. It was great getting to see it even though we had to wait for 2 hours to see the doctor.

Being Left Alone With My Thoughts is Dangerous

A couple of days ago I was watching my son play. He was taking all of his toy tractors and lining them up on the coffee table, making his tractor noise and beeping. Then all of a sudden I was sobbing and couldn't stop. I was thinking of his growing independence and him not needing me as much in the near future. I was wondering how he is going to feel when my attention will not be solely on him, but on a new baby too. I thought about how I will probably forget these times everyday just him and I. This is what made me saddest. I will forget just like I forgot how life was before my son. I will forget how life was before this baby, all the days that my son and I shared alone. I don't want to forget, even though I know he will. I don't want to forget how he is right now, the things he does and says, even though I've already about forgotten how he was just few months ago because he is changing so much. I am happy that we are having another baby. I have always wanted more than one child. But, is it really possible to love another child as much as your first? I don't know. Other parents tell me that you do. I hope that they are right. Hopefully when I see this baby for the first time I will be as hopelessly in love as I was when I first saw my precious son.

Missing Mexico

It has been exactly 85 days since we have been back from Mexico. I have thought of our trip every day since we have been back. And wished constantly that we were still there. I have never felt this way about a vacation. And don't know if there will ever be another trip like this one. It was truly wonderful and being able to share it with some of my favorite people made it even more wonderful. This is a trip that I would hop right on a plane this second to do it again. The last day was the best. Shopping in Playa Del Carmen, going around in the lazy river back at the resort, drinking Sex on the Beach drinks on the beach, writing goodbye in the sand, and laughing hysterically at Brooke on the way back to the room. And our crazy dinner that night was the icing on the cake. Maybe Tina would disagree. I'm glad we will always share these memories of Mexico.

Messes

Having a child has taught me a lot. One of the big things is that I will not have a clean house for many years. That no matter how hard I try or how much I pick up there is another mess waiting for me around the corner. Lately my almost 20 month old son has been great at spilling everything that he puts his hands on. I can not begin to count the crushed goldfish crackers and cheerios that I have swept up and the drinks that I have cleaned up this week alone. Yesterday was not an exception. The two main messes made were right after each other and while I was cooking dinner. So it was even more stressful than normal. I saw out of the corner of my eye that he had picked up a small can and was shaking it. When I realized what it was it was to late. It was his pet Beta Fish's food. This food is the size of poppy seeds and he had taken the cap off and turned it upside down and it was everywhere. I cleaned it up but, I am sure that years from now I will still find beta fish food on my kitchen floor. Then not 2 minutes later, he comes into the kitchen carrying the bag out of a box of Chex cereal. Full of Chex. I told him to be very careful and not to spill them. As soon as the words left my mouth, I turned to see him dumping the bag over and all of the Chex now on my kitchen floor. He jumps up and runs through them and then jumps in them. Crushing them into my once beautiful hardwood floor. I wonder why I even bother to try to clean my house. I wonder why we bothered refinishing the hardwood floors in this old house. Then I remembered that when we bought this house we wanted to have kids here but we had no idea, just like other people without kids, how much kids demolish a house. Not that I would trade my son for the world. But I would trade my messy house for a clean one.

Memories of a 9 Year Old Me

While riding in the car the other night, a very familiar song came on the radio. Eye of the Tiger by Survivior. I must have heard that song a hundred times since it was popular in the early 1980's. On this night though, I remembered the 9 year old me. I remembered this being my favorite song. I remembered going to a pizza place after the meeting on Thursday nights with other people from our congregation. I remembered playing this song on the jukebox and twirling in my dress. It was my favorite dress. It was a 50's style dress with a red and white skirt and an attached white shirt and a tiny black belt. This dress spun out far. Then I remembered him. The boy that I had the biggest crush on. Brian Willis. He was also about 9 at the time. He was tall with dark hair and very handsome. His family would sometimes go this pizza place with us all. I remembered this particular night, with me in this dress spinning, and Eye of the Tiger playing on the jukebox, hoping that he would like me too.

It's funny how certain things bring back memories. I hadn't thought about this night in years. When the song was over, I turned to my husband who was driving and told him my little memory that this song brought back.

Saying Goodbye

Yesterday I decided to clean out my closets and make a huge donation to Goodwill and to throw some things away. In all of the cleaning I found it. A most beloved tee shirt. It brought back a flood of memories. I remember buying it, and wearing it so many times. It was bought in Little Rock, AR. at a performance of Les Miserables. It was the summer of 1993 and I was 18 years old. We went with a huge group of freinds and family and we had such a wonderful time. We even had front row seats for this great play. I remember eating dinner at Hog's Breath Cantina and going out to the car to put on my new shirt. I rode back to Memphis with Ashley, Annie, Shane, and I think Toby. I stayed at Ashley's (my best friend when we were 13-15) house the rest of the weekend and after several years of not being very close, we reconnected, but then sadly lost touch again. Later I remember wearing this XL tee on my medium frame with a very long, very colorful, twist broomstick skirt, black Chinese import shoes that could only be worn on the dryest of days (I think the soles were made of paper and they smelled horrible and fell apart if they got wet), and a long black leather necklace with a green crystal hoop at the end, that landed right on Cosette's nose. I don't know what possessed me to put this outfit together. I can just imagine how I must have looked in it. I actually wore it to MO, to visit my boyfriend (now husband) and in-laws. I wonder what they thought of me in it. I'm sure they wondered who exactly their son was dating. But that was 13 years ago. When I found the shirt it was sadly full of holes. It was greatly loved and greatly worn. It was time to let it go. Time to say goodbye.