Our Crazy Weekend

I am always amazed by the beauty of my home state of Tennessee. Not the part of Tennessee that I grew up in, which is just a big city in west Tennessee with really no natural beauty to speak of. But middle Tennessee and east Tennessee are breathtaking. Middle Tennessee with it's huge hills with houses perched on the hillsides. And east Tennessee with it's mountains and waterfalls and woods. I always seem to forget and am pleasantly surprised when I go back to these places. This weekend was no exception. We took an impromptu trip to Fall Creek Falls National Park. My family had the trip planned for a long time. We decided at the last minute to tag along. We got to the campground right outside the park early in the afternoon Friday and went on a hike at the falls. I was very proud of myself doing a 2 mile hike being pregnant, and it was all up hill the entire way back. It was beautiful down at the falls and worth the effort. Back at camp, we had dinner and sat around the campfire. There were about 50 of us. All of my huge family and tons of friends. A man came out of the woods and threatened everyone to come into the woods. I won't go into details but it made us all nervous enough that we packed up and left the campground which was very primative and secluded. We all got back together the next day at my aunt and uncles house, all 50 of us, and spent the day talking and playing cards and cooking. It was so nice just relaxing and being with everyone. I was sad as I saw the last mountain in my rear view mirror. But I know that I will be pleasantly surprised when I visit again and see the beauty of this place once more.

The Little Bun

We went today for my 12 week appointment. We got a little glimse of our new baby. I think the picture is of it's back. You can see it's arms over it's head. It was moving so much that the doctor couldn't get a good picture. Arms flailing and legs kicking, rolling all around. It was great getting to see it even though we had to wait for 2 hours to see the doctor.

Being Left Alone With My Thoughts is Dangerous

A couple of days ago I was watching my son play. He was taking all of his toy tractors and lining them up on the coffee table, making his tractor noise and beeping. Then all of a sudden I was sobbing and couldn't stop. I was thinking of his growing independence and him not needing me as much in the near future. I was wondering how he is going to feel when my attention will not be solely on him, but on a new baby too. I thought about how I will probably forget these times everyday just him and I. This is what made me saddest. I will forget just like I forgot how life was before my son. I will forget how life was before this baby, all the days that my son and I shared alone. I don't want to forget, even though I know he will. I don't want to forget how he is right now, the things he does and says, even though I've already about forgotten how he was just few months ago because he is changing so much. I am happy that we are having another baby. I have always wanted more than one child. But, is it really possible to love another child as much as your first? I don't know. Other parents tell me that you do. I hope that they are right. Hopefully when I see this baby for the first time I will be as hopelessly in love as I was when I first saw my precious son.

Missing Mexico

It has been exactly 85 days since we have been back from Mexico. I have thought of our trip every day since we have been back. And wished constantly that we were still there. I have never felt this way about a vacation. And don't know if there will ever be another trip like this one. It was truly wonderful and being able to share it with some of my favorite people made it even more wonderful. This is a trip that I would hop right on a plane this second to do it again. The last day was the best. Shopping in Playa Del Carmen, going around in the lazy river back at the resort, drinking Sex on the Beach drinks on the beach, writing goodbye in the sand, and laughing hysterically at Brooke on the way back to the room. And our crazy dinner that night was the icing on the cake. Maybe Tina would disagree. I'm glad we will always share these memories of Mexico.

Messes

Having a child has taught me a lot. One of the big things is that I will not have a clean house for many years. That no matter how hard I try or how much I pick up there is another mess waiting for me around the corner. Lately my almost 20 month old son has been great at spilling everything that he puts his hands on. I can not begin to count the crushed goldfish crackers and cheerios that I have swept up and the drinks that I have cleaned up this week alone. Yesterday was not an exception. The two main messes made were right after each other and while I was cooking dinner. So it was even more stressful than normal. I saw out of the corner of my eye that he had picked up a small can and was shaking it. When I realized what it was it was to late. It was his pet Beta Fish's food. This food is the size of poppy seeds and he had taken the cap off and turned it upside down and it was everywhere. I cleaned it up but, I am sure that years from now I will still find beta fish food on my kitchen floor. Then not 2 minutes later, he comes into the kitchen carrying the bag out of a box of Chex cereal. Full of Chex. I told him to be very careful and not to spill them. As soon as the words left my mouth, I turned to see him dumping the bag over and all of the Chex now on my kitchen floor. He jumps up and runs through them and then jumps in them. Crushing them into my once beautiful hardwood floor. I wonder why I even bother to try to clean my house. I wonder why we bothered refinishing the hardwood floors in this old house. Then I remembered that when we bought this house we wanted to have kids here but we had no idea, just like other people without kids, how much kids demolish a house. Not that I would trade my son for the world. But I would trade my messy house for a clean one.

Memories of a 9 Year Old Me

While riding in the car the other night, a very familiar song came on the radio. Eye of the Tiger by Survivior. I must have heard that song a hundred times since it was popular in the early 1980's. On this night though, I remembered the 9 year old me. I remembered this being my favorite song. I remembered going to a pizza place after the meeting on Thursday nights with other people from our congregation. I remembered playing this song on the jukebox and twirling in my dress. It was my favorite dress. It was a 50's style dress with a red and white skirt and an attached white shirt and a tiny black belt. This dress spun out far. Then I remembered him. The boy that I had the biggest crush on. Brian Willis. He was also about 9 at the time. He was tall with dark hair and very handsome. His family would sometimes go this pizza place with us all. I remembered this particular night, with me in this dress spinning, and Eye of the Tiger playing on the jukebox, hoping that he would like me too.

It's funny how certain things bring back memories. I hadn't thought about this night in years. When the song was over, I turned to my husband who was driving and told him my little memory that this song brought back.

Saying Goodbye

Yesterday I decided to clean out my closets and make a huge donation to Goodwill and to throw some things away. In all of the cleaning I found it. A most beloved tee shirt. It brought back a flood of memories. I remember buying it, and wearing it so many times. It was bought in Little Rock, AR. at a performance of Les Miserables. It was the summer of 1993 and I was 18 years old. We went with a huge group of freinds and family and we had such a wonderful time. We even had front row seats for this great play. I remember eating dinner at Hog's Breath Cantina and going out to the car to put on my new shirt. I rode back to Memphis with Ashley, Annie, Shane, and I think Toby. I stayed at Ashley's (my best friend when we were 13-15) house the rest of the weekend and after several years of not being very close, we reconnected, but then sadly lost touch again. Later I remember wearing this XL tee on my medium frame with a very long, very colorful, twist broomstick skirt, black Chinese import shoes that could only be worn on the dryest of days (I think the soles were made of paper and they smelled horrible and fell apart if they got wet), and a long black leather necklace with a green crystal hoop at the end, that landed right on Cosette's nose. I don't know what possessed me to put this outfit together. I can just imagine how I must have looked in it. I actually wore it to MO, to visit my boyfriend (now husband) and in-laws. I wonder what they thought of me in it. I'm sure they wondered who exactly their son was dating. But that was 13 years ago. When I found the shirt it was sadly full of holes. It was greatly loved and greatly worn. It was time to let it go. Time to say goodbye.