A couple of days ago I was watching my son play. He was taking all of his toy tractors and lining them up on the coffee table, making his tractor noise and beeping. Then all of a sudden I was sobbing and couldn't stop. I was thinking of his growing independence and him not needing me as much in the near future. I was wondering how he is going to feel when my attention will not be solely on him, but on a new baby too. I thought about how I will probably forget these times everyday just him and I. This is what made me saddest. I will forget just like I forgot how life was before my son. I will forget how life was before this baby, all the days that my son and I shared alone. I don't want to forget, even though I know he will. I don't want to forget how he is right now, the things he does and says, even though I've already about forgotten how he was just few months ago because he is changing so much. I am happy that we are having another baby. I have always wanted more than one child. But, is it really possible to love another child as much as your first? I don't know. Other parents tell me that you do. I hope that they are right. Hopefully when I see this baby for the first time I will be as hopelessly in love as I was when I first saw my precious son.
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